Harrastapasta
A man farted every morning when he woke up.
His wife got very annoyed and disgusted by this, so she made a plan to get him to stop. One day after the man farted, she said “honey, you know if you keep forcing those farts every morning your guts…
How do you wake Lady Gaga?
Pokerface
Mountain ranges aren’t funny
They’re hill areas.
Today needs to be Lobster or steak day…
Because this groundhog tastes like crap!
Co-Pilot: “ask in a way that won’t panic everyone”
Pilot: “Ok” [via intercom] “is there a fireman on the plane?”
How to eliminate world hunger and unemployment at once?
Let the hungry eat the unemployed.
The Old West sheriff and his deputy are searching for the outlaw gang…
… and find them holed up in a cabin in the hills. The sheriff sends his deputy back to town for help. Some time later the deputy returns, driving a wagon containing all the girls from the town brothel. The…
There’s a rumor going around that someone in my group of friends is gay…
I hope it’s Josh, he’s pretty cute.
I walked in to a supermarket today and noticed an attractive woman waving at me…
She said hello and I was rather taken aback because I couldn’t place where I knew her from. So I asked, “Do you know me?” To which she replied, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.” Now.…