(It’s Halloween, and I’m dressed up as a vampire and wearing a pentacle necklace. The crew is planning on going out after work for a party.) Me: “Did you find everything you needed tonight?” Customer: “Yes, thank you. Can I…
We Need One Of These In Every Store
Employee: *making out a rain check* “Okay, so I’m just going to look on the computer and check if any other locations have this item.” Nice customer: “Okay, thanks.” Angry customer: “Stop f***ing socializing and do your g**d*** job!” Employee:…
Big Lies Are Better Than Small Ones
(Often I enter the beer cooler with shorts, a t-shirt and some rubber-hand work gloves on.) Me: *walks out of the cooler* Customer: “Are you f***ing insane? It’s freezing in there. Me: “I don’t mind it.” Customer: “That’s bulls***! You…
A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’
Me: “Sir, would you like to use any coupons today?” Customer: “Yes, I’ve been saving them. Here you go!” (He hands me a coupon that had expired five years previously.) Me: “Sir, your coupon is expired.” Customer: “WHAT?! What do…
Paging Leonidas To The Front Desk
Customer: “Look! My friend told me I could get this type of hammer at your store! Now go get it for me!” Cashier: “Sir, I already told you… we don’t have ANY hammers back here that aren’t already stocked on…
You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number
You’ve Got The Wrong(est) Number (Note: our customer support number is close to a local driving school’s number.) Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?” Customer: “How much for my daughter?” Me: “Um…” Customer: “She’s 16. It’s…
Hard Drugs And Harder Pharmacists
(A teen approaches my cash register very slowly.) Me: “Can I help you?” Customer: “Gimme all the f***ing medicine!” (The teen pulls out an airsoft pistol with orange tip still glued to the front.) Me: “The pharmacy is in the…
When Aliens Attack!
A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, “I’m a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We’re here to destroy your civilisation,…
Poor Accountants
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t? Depreciation.
Stress Mangement Technique
Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile . . . 1.…