(A father is letting five kids make a complete mess of the restaurant. They’re ripping napkins and using it as confetti, breaking chopsticks and screaming their little heads off.) Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to tell…

(I am shelving DVDs in a library when a man comes in with a boy who appears to be autistic. The boy sees a movie about Thanksgiving.) Boy: “Thanksgiving! I love Thanksgiving! I’m thankful… I’m thankful for… I’m thankful for…

Music student: We played the beatles last night! Gym student:who won?

Science Teacher: Now, now class settle down. Today we will be learning about Biology. Girl: Oh boy! An entire unit about buying! I’ve bought a lot of things like earrings, and rings, and necklaces, and bracelets… Math Teacher: Okay class.…

A boy and his mom were playing the new game of life were you could put your house were you wanted it. The boy put it on the left side. On his next turn he moved it onto the right…

Teacher: Billy, tell me the periodic for water. Billy:Okay. H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Teacher: What makes you say that? Billy: You said it was H to O.

What happens to you if you can not read? Well, since you’ll probably be staying in Kindergarten, less homework!

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next…

Cop to boy: Which of the two fighting in the street is your father? Boy: I don’t know. That’s what they’re fighting about!

I have a friend named Ben who says the dardest things. Me an a different friend have compiled a list of the best ones _____________________________ Max: Have you noticed that people with lisps can’t say lisp? Ben: Really?.. Lisp, Max:…