Q: How many surgeons does it take to replace a light bulb? A: 3. We’d also like to remove the socket as you aren’t using it now.

Q: How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb? A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

Q: How many libertarians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Libertarians never change light bulbs, because someone might enter the room who wants to sit in the dark.

Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb? A: There is nothing to change.

Q: How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None. Televangelists screw in motels.

Q: How many presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb? A: Fewer and fewer all the time.

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb? A: We don’t know. They never get past the feasibility study.

Q: How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, because people who glow in the dark don’t need light bulbs. Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle… and one to change the bulb.